2 Samuel 14
In Dennis Guernsey’s book The Family Covenant, he writes of what he calls “transitional people.” According to him, transitional people are those who look at the reality of the intergenerational characteristics of their families, determine where any dysfunctions have been present, and then say, “It stops with me. I will not pass this kind of dysfunction on to the next generation.” Then they take the steps necessary to change.
It is a courageous and transformative choice to make.
Underlining the importance of such a step, family theorists suggest that if you are able to look at three generations of a family — considering that family’s relationships, conflicts, secrets, addictions and so forth — you will be able to predict where the coming generations of that family are heading.
During my graduate studies in the field of marriage and family therapy, a professor gave us a quarter-long assignment of constructing our family genogram. That assignment led me to have important conversations with my family. It was the kind of exercise that led to the discovery of things I had known and forgotten, and the discovery of things I’d never known.
It ultimately led to insight followed by change. It brought me face-to-face with the kinds of decisions that a transitional person has to make.
Intergenerational family patterns jump off the page from the words of 2 Samuel 14.
The story of David and Absalom has become rancid. Rape, incest and murder have already elbowed their way into this family’s story. The entanglements and consequences of such have led a father (David) to banish a son (Absalom) from his presence.
Then, in an attempt to once again gain favor with his father the king, Absalom colluded with a friend to lie to King David and set up a scenario through which he could get back into the king’s favor.
That’s just the beginning! In the next chapter, the story reallyturns sour. In the midst of all the grime of their family, one reality grabs me: this family’s unhealthy dynamics are being passed from one generation to the next.
Ultimately, God’s grace is rich and free to that family, just as it is to our families. But the pain that was passed on might have been avoided if someone had said, “It stops with me.”
What about your family? Every family has difficulties, dysfunctions and secrets. Every family passes these on to the next generation — unless there’s a transitional person.
Will you be that person in your family?
If your answer is yes, then consider the following steps.
- Be very honest in assessing your family’s health.
- Be willing to reach out for help. A Christian counselor can be of enormous help.
- Be willing to read and learn.
- Pray for God’s insight, wisdom, guidance and grace.
You can be a transitional person and help change your family. You can create a healthier future.
—Randy Roberts, DMin, is vice president for spiritual life and mission at Loma Linda University Health.
